i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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