I hope mine doesn't look like that
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm just crazy horny about you
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
