I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
