are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
