Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
