Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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