I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
