i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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