You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize