SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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