Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
