now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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