I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
