did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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