I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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