Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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