my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
