i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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