But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
