When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
