I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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