I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
