in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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