I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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