He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
