I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
My breasts were aching with rage.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
