HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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