I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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