my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
