Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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