Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
