Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
