im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
