last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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