oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
