just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
