Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
