dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
