I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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