He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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