dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
