Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
