loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
farters have to be the big spoon...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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