Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
