he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
