Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
