I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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