You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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