Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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