Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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