i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
