any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
