Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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