just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
