so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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