Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
