Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
