i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
