it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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