I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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