Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
