I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
