This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
