I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
